On the pressures of dieting ... and I don't mean seam strain.

[Sar-fitb]

I, like so many other young women, am trying to diet. However, unlike most of the young women I know who are dieting, I actually need it. I am the type my sister calls "plushy" or as my dad would say "not the type you have to shake the sheets to find." (Yeah, kind of insensitive, but what can you do? They're family.) I have a body that an artist might (if they were being kind) call "pear shaped." Doctors call it "Morbidly Obese." ( They make it sound like I am dying or something. Yeesh! I can see the headline now "Promising Female Journalism Student Smothered By Own Fat!") I have been on a low fat diet for almost a year now and have lost about 55 pounds. However, even this seemingly astronomical weight loss doesn't make that big a difference in how I look. Now, I know that it is hard for a person to judge their own size, shape, etc and it is equally hard for someone who sees you everyday to see any such changes. But this is taking a very long time and everywhere I look there is something that only makes me feel worse about myself.

Western society puts so much stress on women ,young women especially, to be thin, athletic, and pretty. It was bad enough just passing through the checkout line at the grocery store and seeing all those celebrity magazines that say "Oh look how fat Nicole Kidman is getting!" when you now that that "poor fat actress" has only gained enough weight to be a SHOCKINGLY HUGE SIZE 12! This of course makes the size 28 in the check out line feel like a disgusting slob. Now there is this horrible new genre of exploitation shows which stars "The Biggest Losers!" It is everywhere! I can't even read Reader's Digest without being made to feel like some disgusting freak of nature. I am fat and in this society fat means ugly and ugly means worthless. And my mother-in-law wonders why I hate shopping for clothes, even the manikins in the plus size stores are skinny. *rolls eyes expressively*

I do know that doctors and specialists are becoming extremely worried about America's weight problem. If this is so, why don't we receive some more positive encouragement to diet and diet healthily from magazines and television. Because it doesn't make money. Sure, I could starve myself, become bulimic, exercise myself to physical exhaustion everyday and lose the weight really fast, but it would come back as soon as I stopped. Dieting, I have been told, is about making life changes. It is about finding the things you can do without and getting rid of them. (I for one have given up peanut butter entirely and I used to be the type to eat it by the spoonful out of the jar. I am eating more fruit now than I have in the last seven or eight years. *Note the half a small cantaloupe and handful of grapes I ate for breakfast.* I have mostly given up baking except for bread because having all of that butter and sugar under my nose is hard to deal with. If I do bake cookies or something I give most of them away and let my beanpole of a husband eat the rest for lunch at work, saving only one or two for myself.) Dieting is about being reasonable about food and not using it as a crutch. (When sad, frustrated, or worried I often would turn to comfort foods such as chocolate ice cream, cheddar cheese fries, and bacon sandwiches.) It is about pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone. (I have started weight lifting, doing crunches, and back exercises.) All of this helps to lose the weight and help keep it off, but it takes a long time to diet right and every "Lose 10 pounds in ten days" magazine also bears a picture of a chocolate cake.

I guess I should be proud of having stuck with it this long and keeping at it. I do make one concession, every Friday night my husband and I go out to eat and I can have whatever I want with no shame involved and no questions asked. This helps keep the cravings at bay most of the time. ( I weigh every Friday morning before breakfast so I have the whole next week to work it off.) I am also grateful I have a husband who loves me just the way I am and could care less if I lose the weight, but who supports me in my decision and has suffered through my attempts at low fat cooking until I got it right or at least mostly right.

And I am glad I have this outlet for stuff like this, knowing that no one here will ridicule me for admitting I am overweight or tell me that I am a freak. Thanks for that and for listening.

[Barb Jacobs]

I feel for you, my dear. I really do. I have spent a lifetime of fighting 'overweightness'. And binge eating, and not exercising enough...

You should very rightly feel proud of yourself for your success in changing your eating and exersize habits. And you seem to have a great mindset- that its a lifestyle change, not a 'diet'. Congratulations on adding fruit to your diet, and giving away baked goods.

Like yourself, I am a 'stress eater'. And a pear. ^_^ Although as I age, I find my peariness has changed a bit. I never used to gain around my stomach, but now...WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!! Anyway, I completely understand the lure of stress eating! When the #$%^ hits the fan (which it seems to do with alarming regularity around here) I usually turn to the comfort of food.

Your paragraph about how our society is obsessed with overly thin celebrities is spot on. Once I read an interesting historical concept that the shape of culturally preferred women is in direct correlation with the success of a culture- just like a commodity, a rare woman's body type is considered a trophy. To explain: in our culture of excess, where we all have more than enough to eat laid out before us and advertised to us daily, a slim athletic female body is more difficult to maintain. Therefore more rare - and more desirable. This is frankly a very new mindset, as you can see by art from the past. Here is what was considered absolute adult female beauty in the past:

No, not one of those gals is even what is called a 'beefy' size twelve. (WHICH IS LUDICROUS ANYWAY!)
Food was rare. Good health care was rare, so...voluptuous women were rare. And considered incredibly beautiful and desirable.

I was born in the WRONG TIME! ^_^

But yes, looking at eating and exercise from a health standpoint is wise. Not so much to try to fit in with a cultural preference, but just what is the best Sar-fitb that you can be. Applause to you! Keep up the great work, and thank you for the inspiration (Barb says putting down the muffin...and planning a trip to the gym!)

HUGS

~B

[Sar-fitb]

Barb,
Thanks for the encouragement! I think you are right about the body shapes of the past. (I remember reading Anne of Green Gables when I was a teenager and thinking it oddly reassuring to think that the beautiful, thin, red-haired heroine wanted to be "nice and plump with dimples in my elbows.") It is also nice to know that all those statues of Aphrodite wouldn't be able to pull off those low-riding jeans either. ^_^

And, as with most problems we face in life, it is good to know I am not alone.

[Mark]

Is that Rubens, Barb? (been a while since I've had an art history class)
Sar-fitb ...be you, be happy ...and let other people deal with their perceptions and biases.
There are always going to be some people who make you feel like heck. The trick is not to let them ruin things for you. Sounds like you have the support of a great family. I hope that you are pleased with the results of your hard work.

[lisabond]

"Plushy". I like that. I tend to think myself as "Ploofy".

[Adam Salken]

*Grins* I'm glad your smart about the choices that you make. I know a guy that's on a diet right now to lose weight, it involves eating hardly anything and, to my knowledge, no exercise. That, to my understanding, is not a good choice because it's not sustainable long term... you lose muscle mass, so you burn less calories, so when you eat normally again you gain more weight.

Your in it for the long term, which means that you'll reap long term benefits. Congratulations! I'll celebrate those 55 pounds with you!! ^_^

(And thank you Barb for that wonderful insight... I was aware of the cultural differences, in Africa and other less developed countries cuddly woman are considered far more attractive, but the concept of the 'rareness' which applies perfectly across all cultures including our own hadn't occurred to me before, it ties everything in nicely.)

[Sar-fitb]

Just as an update, I lost 1.2 lbs this week bringing it officially to 55.6 lbs. lost. What was it the tortoise said: "Slow but steady wins the race?"

[Barb Jacobs]

CONGRATULATIONS!!! And yes, especially with weight loss, that IS the way to go. Those folks on Biggest Loser with their thirteen pound loss in a week, while exciting and all- (that instant gratification our society loves) doesn't work in weight loss. That's a sure fire way to gain weight back.

If you're losing a pound and change a week that is PERFECT. It means you are changing your eating and exercise habits and your body is burning some of the reserve, but you aren't starving, which like Adam said is the way to lose muscle mass and even bone density.

Besides, 4-5 pounds a month is not small! (take a look at 4-5 pounds of meat in a deli some time. It's not a small thing.) YOu are doing awesome! ^_^
~B

[Joseph Volpendesta]

Sar-fitb, you're doing great. I have been averaging losing about five pounds a month, and it's staying off. I am at an age where weight loss is, at best, difficult. However, a special someone in my life's weight gain is tied into medication that she has been required to take and, I'm told, is particularly hard to reverse. Weight is, on a good day, a touchy subject around here, one to be approached gingerly, if at all. She is harder on herself than I, or anyone else, could ever be. Hang in there and kudos on every ounce!