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A Talismen Rant- do not read if you don't want to read a rant. KAY?
Okay, after releasing my previous story, Return of the Exile on Wowio, the worms are starting to come out of the can again. After a snotty couple of posts I saw on the Talismen shout box, I feel the need to rant. I am an artist, after all. I am admittedly hypersensitive and volatile. I make no bones about these things.
So here is my rant.
First, an analogy.
On a small scale- a very, very, VERY small scale- the 'Talismen thing' is a bit like the Beatles breakup.
In 1970, the Beatles broke up. From that moment on, at least until John died, the four separate Beatles were hounded constantly with people trying to get them to reunite. People asking 'WHY?' And no doubt, telling them they were 'foolish', 'selfish', and 'leaving unfinished business'.
No matter that they provided us the gift of a stunning catalogue of the greatest songs ever written, and seven years worth of the most influential albums in the history of pop music.
They were 'letting everyone down' by not continuing.
Things I hear about Talismen.
No matter that there are 100+ pages for free to look at any time you want. No, I suck becuase I quit working on it.
So for a year now, I still get these emails. At least once a week, "Why aren't you doing Talismen? Why won't you finish it?"
I have posted my reasons many times. In forums, in interviews, in emails, and in blogs.
Many reasons I am open about: The repeated letdowns by multiple publishers. The lack of interest at shows. The loss of money in various attempts to promote.
It was a lead balloon. A cursed property.
Add to this that last year was personally the worst year I ever experienced.
Worked two jobs that I hated.
I had two really scary health scares with my son.
My father's near death of a heart attack and the subsequent three months of his stay in the hospital.
My own health issues and hospitalization.
In the end, I experienced enough in that year to kill some people (and it literally nearly killed me. I spent 12 hours in intensive care...)
In the beginning, I was trying to hold the Talismen thing up despite all the disappointments, and financial drain it had become.
There were a few other, pointedly important things that finally sent me over the edge. I have made the decision to never
go public with those things. They were the final straw, however, and the ultimate reason I decided to end working on Talismen. I doubt many other people would have continued in my position. In fact, I am certain of it. But I will take the high road.
And yet...
People were furious. Still are. Act like it was a personal affront to them. No bother that I had literally thousands of hours, thousands of concept sketches, that my entire creative soul was wound around the Plane of Imaginings. No bother that it HURT ME MORE THAN ANY READER COULD EVER KNOW to quit working on it!!!!
Click. They look at the update. They move on.
Not a creator. Talismen was with me 24 hours a day. Ideas in my head in the car, while I was sleeping...everywhere.
So it ends, and readers have their hissy fit because their two minutes a week of pleasure are gone.
For me, it was like a death. Those characters had been in my mind for twenty years. TWENTY YEARS.
After I knew I had to get out, I immediately started concepting Xylia. It was so hard. Coming up with brand spanking new characters from scratch. Getting to know them well enough to write them.
GAH. I will never make people understand. But comments like this:
"this is stupid to quit"
"Really stupid. And this comic, I think, is--was-- better than Xylia too. If you ever get time you should pick up writing it again."
"I respect an artist's choice to be a human being before a creator of art, but this ending here is like if instead of dying, Robert Jordan just quit."
"how could you quit without an ending thats mean"
She got tired of doing Talismen and she'll get tired of doing Xylia.
"Don't worry Barbie, I don't plan on reading Xylia. I'm just trying help others before they make the same mistake I did by giving you a chance the first time."
Really only make me wish I had never f@#$%ing worked on Talismen!!
That is my rant.
Walk in my shoes, children. Just try and keep them on, lined with fire and weighed with stone.
Try to keep standing when the winds come to knock your ass down.
Do you have what it takes?
And when you fall, again and again,
do you have the strength to get up again?
I do.
If you don't like Xylia, no bother. I just ask that you DON'T read it. It isn't for YOU.
It's for the people, those amazing people who were there to help me back up when I was down the farthest.
To Kez, and CT and Liria, and Lea, Elle and Hagar, Henrike, Monica, Billy, Dawn (the last two who dont read webcomics, but its for them just the same...) And for Sarah and Niko for believing in me... and many many others who were supportive and excited when I put this Xylia boat in the water...
And for me.
~B
So here is my rant.
First, an analogy.
On a small scale- a very, very, VERY small scale- the 'Talismen thing' is a bit like the Beatles breakup.
In 1970, the Beatles broke up. From that moment on, at least until John died, the four separate Beatles were hounded constantly with people trying to get them to reunite. People asking 'WHY?' And no doubt, telling them they were 'foolish', 'selfish', and 'leaving unfinished business'.
No matter that they provided us the gift of a stunning catalogue of the greatest songs ever written, and seven years worth of the most influential albums in the history of pop music.
They were 'letting everyone down' by not continuing.
Things I hear about Talismen.
No matter that there are 100+ pages for free to look at any time you want. No, I suck becuase I quit working on it.
So for a year now, I still get these emails. At least once a week, "Why aren't you doing Talismen? Why won't you finish it?"
I have posted my reasons many times. In forums, in interviews, in emails, and in blogs.
Many reasons I am open about: The repeated letdowns by multiple publishers. The lack of interest at shows. The loss of money in various attempts to promote.
It was a lead balloon. A cursed property.
Add to this that last year was personally the worst year I ever experienced.
Worked two jobs that I hated.
I had two really scary health scares with my son.
My father's near death of a heart attack and the subsequent three months of his stay in the hospital.
My own health issues and hospitalization.
In the end, I experienced enough in that year to kill some people (and it literally nearly killed me. I spent 12 hours in intensive care...)
In the beginning, I was trying to hold the Talismen thing up despite all the disappointments, and financial drain it had become.
There were a few other, pointedly important things that finally sent me over the edge. I have made the decision to never
go public with those things. They were the final straw, however, and the ultimate reason I decided to end working on Talismen. I doubt many other people would have continued in my position. In fact, I am certain of it. But I will take the high road.
And yet...
People were furious. Still are. Act like it was a personal affront to them. No bother that I had literally thousands of hours, thousands of concept sketches, that my entire creative soul was wound around the Plane of Imaginings. No bother that it HURT ME MORE THAN ANY READER COULD EVER KNOW to quit working on it!!!!
Click. They look at the update. They move on.
Not a creator. Talismen was with me 24 hours a day. Ideas in my head in the car, while I was sleeping...everywhere.
So it ends, and readers have their hissy fit because their two minutes a week of pleasure are gone.
For me, it was like a death. Those characters had been in my mind for twenty years. TWENTY YEARS.
After I knew I had to get out, I immediately started concepting Xylia. It was so hard. Coming up with brand spanking new characters from scratch. Getting to know them well enough to write them.
GAH. I will never make people understand. But comments like this:
"this is stupid to quit"
"Really stupid. And this comic, I think, is--was-- better than Xylia too. If you ever get time you should pick up writing it again."
"I respect an artist's choice to be a human being before a creator of art, but this ending here is like if instead of dying, Robert Jordan just quit."
"how could you quit without an ending thats mean"
She got tired of doing Talismen and she'll get tired of doing Xylia.
"Don't worry Barbie, I don't plan on reading Xylia. I'm just trying help others before they make the same mistake I did by giving you a chance the first time."
Really only make me wish I had never f@#$%ing worked on Talismen!!
That is my rant.
Walk in my shoes, children. Just try and keep them on, lined with fire and weighed with stone.
Try to keep standing when the winds come to knock your ass down.
Do you have what it takes?
And when you fall, again and again,
do you have the strength to get up again?
I do.
If you don't like Xylia, no bother. I just ask that you DON'T read it. It isn't for YOU.
It's for the people, those amazing people who were there to help me back up when I was down the farthest.
To Kez, and CT and Liria, and Lea, Elle and Hagar, Henrike, Monica, Billy, Dawn (the last two who dont read webcomics, but its for them just the same...) And for Sarah and Niko for believing in me... and many many others who were supportive and excited when I put this Xylia boat in the water...
And for me.
~B
24 Comments
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Comment by Mark on May 1, 2008 at 2:50pm -
People can be thoughtless.
Sometimes, I wish I were not a people. ...But, I try.
Barb ...I love your work and am grateful that you share it with us.
No strings, no qualifications ...no buts.
Love it.
Thank you, very sincerely for the beautiful work.
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Comment by lisabond on May 1, 2008 at 4:40pm - Barb, I am sorry that there are people out there who feel that you owe them. Gawd, you do this for free. You do this because you have stories inside of you that want to come out, stories you share with so many people, that you have this amazing imagination...gawd, I'm fawning. Anyway, I am in awe of your talent, and thank you for sharing it.
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Comment by Barb Jacobs on May 1, 2008 at 5:11pm -
Thank you Mark & Lisa. That is kind of you to say those things. I want people to enjoy the stories, and I would have continued the first one if I could. I just wish people coudl let it go...you know?
Just had a case of the grumpies today!
Sorry! ^_^
~B
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Comment by Elisheva on May 1, 2008 at 6:47pm -
This is why I draw a line between "people" and "persons." People, as a general rule, seem to be idiots, whereas persons - to me - are nice individuals I like.
I wish I could say "Don't pay attention to them," but anyone in their right mind would be offended by this kind of feedback. Rightfully so. If it helps any, I think Xylia is a lovely, lovely story and the artwork is beautiful. No one's forcing you to share it with the rest of the world, which makes me all the more glad that you do. It's not right that someone is punishing you for being selfless like that . . .
Ugh. Seriously. People disgust me.
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Comment by Lindsey on May 2, 2008 at 2:48am -
For the record, I was sad when Talismen ended, but I UNDERSTAND, I knew your reasons, understood them, and started anticipating Xylia in all the most exciting ways!!!!! The people who can't understand the bigger picture are the people who are going to lead disapointing, unsatisfactory lives, the people no one likes because they're so shallow. I can guess I little of how you feel. But they're all missing out!!! We who can see the bigger picture and understand what you went through have the wonderful experience to watch Xylia as the comic starts to fly. WE get to see it and all the STUPID, SELFISH PEOPLE ARE MISSING OUT!!! So. There.
We love you Barb!!!
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Comment by NAAN on May 2, 2008 at 4:02am -
I still have to read Talismen, but I will say this:
If a person cannot respect the decision of a webcomic artist who is [i]doing[/i] the comic for [b]free[/b] and dedicates a lot of his/her time to make it enjoyable for everyone of leaving the series as it is (and leaving it online for a while to boot), then I feel bad for those peoples' mothers.
If those people cannot comprehend this fact, then I'm sorry, but they're going to have a bad experience in the real world someday. While in real life, I try to finish what I started, I also understand that sometimes you just can't continue --or finish it.
<3
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Comment by Lindsey on May 2, 2008 at 4:05am
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If a person cannot respect the decision of a webcomic artist who is [i]doing[/i] the comic for [b]free[/b] and dedicates a lot of his/her time to make it enjoyable for everyone of leaving the series as it is (and leaving it online for a while to boot), then I feel bad for those peoples' mothers.
If those people cannot comprehend this fact, then I'm sorry, but they're going to have a bad experience in the real world someday. While in real life, I try to finish what I started, I also understand that sometimes you just can't continue --or finish it.
HEAR HEAR!!! Bad karma for them!!
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Comment by Strange Ian on May 2, 2008 at 4:59am -
Funny that I actually misclicked myself on to the Talsimen page and saw the comments there before I read this... I dunno, maybe you shouldn't comment on the stupid things people say, but sometimes I just can't help it. Stupidity annoys me.
I think my favourite is the Robert Jordan comment. Basically, he's saying "I Yeah, I get that it was killing you, trying to do this, but then you should have died trying."
How can anyone not hear how stupid that sounds?
But hey, there's a lot of love for this project out there, and a lot of respect for you as an artist as well. And in here, there's a lot of love for you too.
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Comment by Barb Jacobs on May 2, 2008 at 7:19am
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Hey everyone- thank you so much for the support. I apologize for the crabby rant. I was going to take this down, but a lot of folks get mad at me for doing that, and besides, people should see how many NICE folks there are out there.
I need to remind myself that the kindness that people have shown me, and the support of my projects far outweighs the negative.
Those nasty little comments are like splinters- if I focus on that tiny little annoying pain, I miss all the good stuff that's everywhere else.
Thank you everyone for your support.
(And SI, I meant to mention you too...)
~B
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Comment by Liria on May 2, 2008 at 8:35am -
I wonder sometimes if explaining the reasons you have hidden would help some of those who don't understand to see why you can't go back to Talismen. But then I have to remember that just because logic is involved doesn't mean people care about your logic, as right or as good as it is. If they haven't cared before now, they won't care if then either. In which case, there's really nothing to do except to console yourself that they really just don't understand how it killed you to put it away and that they're act out of childish ignorance. They haven't grown up to know the real world.
Perhaps one day, they will understand what that means, and then they will realize how utterly foolish and MEAN they have been to you. Or perhaps they'll never grow up that much, in which case, they deserve all of our pity.
*hugs* --Lir.
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