Like men who have no hope....

[Sar-fitb]

We all know that we have very little, if no, control over our lives. But I think we can not help but attempt to take control, especially when things are going well. You know, take responsibility for all the wonderful things in our lives - like the new promotion that will mean you can get that bigger house, or you got into your dream college by getting that great scholarship, or that extremely hot person who sat next to you at in the Jiffy Lube not only agreed to go out with you but turns out to be independently wealthy and extremely devoted to you without being psychotic.

See what I mean?

But what about when things go wrong? We don't take responsibility for the lost job, the broken relationship, or the illness that will change our lives forever. Do we?

Who do we turn to then? Many turn to anger, lashing out at everyone they love and passing on the hurt that they so desperately want to go away. Some turn to fear, lying in bed all day because they are afraid of what else is waiting for them outside their door. Some turn to despair, thinking they know their future and close themselves off, waiting for the end.

And then there was my mother who turned to hope. We stopped keeping track of her chronic diseases at twenty-five. She was in constant pain her whole life, with the medicines for one illness causing the next disease. But she had hope and she spread that hope wherever she went. She sowed the seeds of that hope in doctors, nurses, therapists, neurologists, and the people behind that counter at the pharmacy. It has been three years since her death and people still come up to me in a doctor's office or outside a hospital, wanting to tell me what an influence her hope had made in their lives.

And now I can do no different. I have been diagnosed with thyroid cancer that will require surgery. My feet have been set on the path my mother went down. But I can have hope too:

"I am still confident of this, that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord. Be strong, take heart, and wait for the Lord."Psalm 27:13-14

While I do not want to die, for there are many things in this life I wish to experience, there is a hope beyond death.

"Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words." 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

By writing this, I seek more to encourage myself. But if someone here finds a little hope in it, then all the better. I ask, of those of you who pray, please pray for my doctors and surgeons. That God will be with them and with me.

Thank you for letting me share with you.

[Silvara Dragontear]

and yet again I can't spell, it should be positive not poaitive.

[Silvara Dragontear]

Sad to hear about the diagnose, hope all goes well, are a bit of a aetist mixed with wiccan so I don't pray all that much but I will like Ceri send poaitive and encouraging thoughts.
Your mom seemed like a cool lady that keept her hope through it all. Got to admire people like that, there aren't many people that would hold on to their hope like she seemed to do.

[Ceridwen]

Thanks for sharing with us. Your mum sounds like a wonderful person with strength unequaled to many. I hope you'll be finding what strength you need in yourself and in her example. I do not pray, but I will nonetheless send encouraging thoughts your way.

[Peg]

Whatever happens to your body, you know your soul is in the right place. Heaven bless you and your doctors, and I will keep all of you in my prayers.

[Barb Jacobs]

I'm so sorry to hear about your diagnosis, Sar. I'm sorry to hear about what you went through with your own mother, and the path that you now face. It's comforting to see how strong your faith is right now, and I hope all of the Xyliacs will join me in sending healling prayers you way, and I hope you will continue to share your story with us, good and bad, so that we can be a support.

You are in my prayers, and I will share your story with my friends as well that we can be there for you in some way.

Hugs & love,
~B