Radio Play - Xylia Spoof - please do not reply here. Please reply at Xylia Spoof Replies

[Peg]

I will be posting the Xylia Spoof in progress here. Because I need to keep it in scene order, please do not add in replies here. Please reply at: Xylia Spoof Replies. Thanks! Peg

[Peg]

Scene 1 - (in order of appearance, Tychia, Brimaz, Tour Guide, Deimos, Claude, Katharos, Adora)

Tychia: Ohhh look, Claudie's found Zee. Too bad she's a rocker now. *evil laugh* And he's fallen asleep at 'er feet. Right into our hands.

Brimaz - Awww, innit sweet. Y'know, I owe 'm fer killin' me off, let's...

Tychia - *My* find, so Oi gets ter say. Yer no' subtle, Brimmie. Hack n slash's too fast.
Let's make 'im suffer... AH! Oi know just the thing. Add a little malice dust and pfft! Now Oi'll just whisper in his ear...
Chicken suit..... Poultrygeist....

Tour guide (nasal voice):
And here, at the grand finale of our Ghost Walk, you have the site of the famous wailing Poultrygeist, doomed to roam the land forever by night, in an eerie moaning, err, chicken suit....?

Deimos: *groan* Revolting! How did I, Deimos, get here in this fowl garb? I thought that was Claude's place in the pecking order? Well, we can soon sort that out! *snaps fingers* Ahh, my own flowing robes again! And what's that wobbling out of the cloud of feathers? Why Claudius! It Chicken Suits you, old bean!

Claude - That's it! I've gone nutters! Stark staring nutters!

Katharos - Oh no! My brother is a bird eater! No, a bird *wearer*? Ewwww!

Adora - I'll take peacock feathers over that moulty old thing any day, still, yes! You *are* my brother! *chuckle*

Deimos - I'm too sexy for this dream, too sexy for this dream, too sexy, it seems! Sexy, sexy...

Tychia - This is *my* nightmare. Push off, you lot!

Deimos - As you wish. Come, ladies! *snaps fingers*

Tychia - They're gone. That's better! Now, where were we? Roight! I've got this lovely chopper,
nice and sharp, just needs me a nice young cockerel... 'Ere, Claudie, Claudie, Claudie....

Claude - Ruuuuuuun!

[Peg]

Scene 2 - in order of appearance: Claud-thy, Xylia-crow , Tin Manbrosia, Cowardly Oly, Livy-Toto, Witch Tychia, Brimaz Flying Monkey

Claud-thy -
*Puff, puff, pant* Whew, I lost them. But, where am I now?
And how'd I get into this... dress? What, blue plaid gingham? And ruby slippers?
I feel an utter_pratt_! Oh, this _is_ a nightmare!

**THUNMP!**
A house! Just fell beside me? What!!!

Xylia-crow *wobbly*- Woooo, I don't think we're in Azloe any more, Livy. This straw itches!

Claud-thy - Ohh, that's not. Tell me that isn't! OZ?

Tin Manbrosia - But it is!

Cowardly Oly - I'm afraid it really is, Claud-thy.

Livy-Toto: Claudius, it seems that the Artist and her friends have a Wicked sense of humor!

Witch Tychia: I'll get you, my twitty, and your Livy dog too!

Brimaz: Roight!

Claud-thy: Run!

Xylia-crow: But, where are we running to?

Claud-thy: I don't *know*, just - RUN!!!

[Peg]

Scene 3 - in order of appearance: Charlie, Narrator, Tye, Baby Oly, Little Zee, Livy 2, Tychia-pire

Charlie: Where in blazes am I now?

Narrator: Narrator says, Brownstone rowhouse, a bit shabby. Interior shot, domestic scene, squabbling.
Cue Tye. And you're on in 3...2...1...

Tye: Charlie, get yer cursed arse in 'ere and change little Oly's nappies!

Baby Oly, cross and cranky - Da da, wan a dry one!

Tye - Carn't yer see Oi got me 'ands full, wi' little Zee's 'air?

Little Zee - whines - Ow, Stepmama, you're pulling! Stop!

Charlie: 'Old yer 'osses, woman. Got t' let t' dog out...

Livy 2: Hmpf! T'dog indeed! I'm the nanny of you,
you hulking great child! (bites ankle) *chomp!*

Charlie: ow! (wakes up)
What, I'm in bed?
Oh, thank Azloe. It's not real. That was horrible...
Whew, only a bad dream... Wait. I'm in bed. *pats around* Who'm I in bed *with*?
Tychia? Why is there blood on your mouth...
Are those .. fangs?!

Tychia-pire - Roight yer are, ducks! Fancy a bite?

Claude: FIeeee!

[Peg]

The big musical number! *grin*

Scene 4 - in order of appearance: Claudhotep, Narrator2, NefferXylia, Singing Ninja 1,
Singing Ninja 2, Singing Ninja 3, Pyrettes 1-4


Claudhotep, resignedly: What *now*?

Narrator 2: Narrator 2 says - Pyramids, Interior scene, wall frieze.You're flat.
And in a chicken suit. Cue NefferXylia, Singing Ninjas and the Pyrettes!
You're on... now!

Claude: Not the blasted chicken suit *again*! And, what, I'm in a headdress and a loincloth, too?

NefferXylia: *chuckle*

Claude, affronted: What! I *heard* that, woman!

NefferXylia: Well, you do look silly, dear.

Claude: I do not-- Oh, all right, blast it, I *do*. Tychia, I will sooo get you for this!
What do I do now?

Narrator 2: Cue Singing Ninjas and Pyrettes!

Singing Ninja 1: Singing Ninja 1 says, That's easy!
Singing Ninja 2: Singing Ninja 2 says, Walk like a...
Singing Ninja 3: Singing Ninja 3 says, Ninjyptian!

Pyrette 1: Doo dood da doo doot

Pyrette 2:Doo dood da doo doot

Pyrette 3: Doo dood da doo doot! Bom!

Pyrette 1: Doo dood da doo doot

Pyrette 2:Doo dood da doo doot

Pyrette 3: Doo dood da doo doot! Bom!

SN1 - You're in a crypt, and you're flat, and there you are, stuck up on the wall
SN2 - Tychia's so made you a pratt, up there in the Chicken Suit and all!
NefferXylia: All Pyrettes in the back up groups sing:

Pyrette1: Way ohhh
Pyrette2: Way ohhh
Pyrette3: Way ohhh
Pyrette4: Way ohhhhhhh
SN3 - Walk like a Ninjiptian!

Pyrette 1: Doo dood da doo doot

Pyrette 2: Doo dood da doo doot

Pyrette 3: Doo dood da doo doot! Bom!

Pyrette 1: Doo dood da doo doot

Pyrette 2:Doo dood da doo doot

Pyrette 3: Doo dood da doo doot! Bom!

SN1 - We'll scrape you down off of that wall, and get you back on your feet again
SN2 - Cause it's no fun, if you don't run, when we all chase *you*, with shuriken!
NefferXylia - All Pyrettes in the backup groups say:
Pyrette1: You go,
Pyrette2: You go,
Pyrette3: You go,
Pyrette 4: You go -
Singing Ninja 3: Run like a Ningyptian!

Pyrette 1: Doo dood da doo doot

Pyrette 2:Doo dood da doo doot

Pyrette 3: Doo dood da doo doot!
Claudhotep: Iiiyeeee!

Pyrette 1: Doo dood da doo doot

Pyrette 2: Doo dood da doo doot

Pyrette 3: Doo dood da doo doot!

NefferXylia: Flee!

[Peg]

Finale, 5th Scene: In order of appearance: Claude, Glykeria, Narrator 3, Orion Slave Chick Tychia, Claude Suit, Bow Peep Tychia, Narrator 1, Narrator 2.

Claude: What *now*? Glykeria! How did *you* get here?

Glykreria: Livy called me in. *Somebody* has to help you, silly!

Claude: Oh all right, help me! Anything to get out of this chicken suit. But do you have to be so very
PINK about it?

Glykeria - Why yes, I do! How else do you think we can turn the tables on Tychia?

Claude: You mean?

Glykeria - Why yes! We'll turn her pink, with elbow length gloves, layers of feathers, a million ruffles, a giant butt bow, and a wide brimmed hat, like a bridesmaid's dress gone mad. She hates *pink*!

Claude: Yes! I *like* it!

Glykeria: All you have to do, dearie, is, in the next scene, psst, bzzt, mmm buh mmm...

Claude:*chuckle*

Narrator 3: And now we bring to you:
Star Chickens! To boldly cluck where no no Suit has gone before! Cue Orion Slave Chick Tychia...

Orion Slave Chick Tychia : Ohhh, Mister Suit, let me slink my buxom green self all over you, in my teensy little red and black bikini.

Claude Suit: Fascinating, we seem to have an anomaly... a pink anomaly...

Glykeria - It's me, Glykeria! Tychia, transform!

Tychia: Erf! Oiiii! OWWW! Where's me sexy red and black outfit gone? 'Ow'd yer get me inter this 'orrid 'uge skirt, with *pink* feathers? What are all these 'ideous ruffles and *lace*? Ugh, Oi *'ates* lace! Wha's that all down me bum?

Glykreria, brightly: Giant butt bow, dearie!

Tychia, still in shock and revulsion: Wha' am Oi 'oldin' onto? A shepherdess crook?

Claude: Why Tychia, I think you make a very charming *Bow* Peep!

Glykeria: Come along now, Tychia Bow, me dear. Time to go pick some lovely pink flowers. You look pinktastic, duckie!

Tychia: This isn't over, Claude! You 'ear me? This isn't over!

Claude: I'm afraid it is for now, though. Narrators, if you will do the honors?

Narrator 1: Th-th-th-that's all folks!

Narrator 2: The end. (whispered) - For *now*...

[Peg]

Postscript - I will be voicing the role of Glykeria. It's the carrot on the stick that I dangled in front of myself, to get me to write this all in one week. That way, the spoof recording can begin immediately after the final vox contest winner is announced, on Monday.

*wry grin* And so now, I have.

The writing has been lovely absurd fun, and now I hope the voice acting will also be! Cheers!